She Is Wild

You
Other
Are not worth
Another poem
Oh wait
This is the first one
Well
This is the only one you get
I hope you
Fucking
Love it

I name you
Beast
I can smell
The self-centered
Rot
On your breath
Feel the depth
Breadth
Of the gouge
Your jagged
Tusk
Has left
In my heart

Damnit
Damn
It
She’s crying now
And I am pissed
Yeah
She would cry anyway
Some day
Has in the past
Fuck
This
Pattern
Of love
And loss

God Damnit

Why the fuck
Do I participate

See saw
See saw
I see now
What I saw
As a child

The same
Loatheful
Beast
I know that chin whisker
Slight limp
In the back
Left
Leg
Fire in the eyes
That all consuming
Fire
When love
Connection
Nurture
Loses out
To anger

Goddamn you beast
You always win
Even my own
Anger at you
Lays out for you
A glorious
Feast

So what
Just drop it all?
I. CAN’T.
Goddamnit
Wouldn’t I
If I could?

But I need love
Or at least that heart
Does

So
We come to the end
I want to stand up
And run
Again
No platitudes
No resolution
There is no solution
To this mud blizzard
Of love
And life

Come along beast
Let’s see
If you
Can keep up
With my weak legs
Powered
By a volcano
In my heart

The fairy tales
Where the hero
Bypasses
The thorny wall
Of roses
To reach the princess
Are all wrong

Or

Maybe
Just incomplete

And I can’t help
But wonder
What would greet
Them
If they paused their
Conquest
Long enough
To rest
And commune
With this
First offering
From the one
Inside
They so yearn
To meet

It is true
That the eyes
In their greed
Take in
The bud
The thorns
The castle beyond
In one
Grand
Sweep

But this
Requires
The slow
Deliberate
Vulnerability
Of touch
So attuned
That the
Sharp
Tip
Of the thorn
Becomes
The luscious
Crest
Of a wave
Pointing the way
To another
And another

Soft petals
Forgotten
In the undulation
Of this sea
Yet
Still arrive
With thick scent
Of ecstasy

And now
Here
Is the time
To pause
Breathe in
Wait
Patiently

Finger tips
Hold
Steady
Now
This is the realm
Of fields
And closeness
Now

Tongue suck
As slight
Hairs
Rise
To the brush
To the blush
Of soft
And pink
And shimmer
And sweet

Thorns scratch
Flower latch
Name forgotten
Borders
Soften
Nothing matters
But this
And this
And this

And in
This place
The vines
Fade away
And we find
The other way

That in loving
The bramble and vine
Our hero does not
Uncover a princess
Desperate in her need
But is enveloped
In the embrace
Of a
Glorious
Generous
Intoxicating
Queen

How foolish
I am

I have given
My entire heart
Over
To loving
This precious
Fleeting
Breath
That kicks up
Fairy dust
As it rumbles
Around
Deep
In my chest

How did I forget
To protect
This heart
From loss

I am not naive
I know
The long walk
Alone
Through
Moonlit
Fields
Of iris
Drinking up
The glow

How do I
Let go

Poor heart
Sacrificed
In the fight
Between
Love
And loss
How do I comfort you
When these paths
Once alive
With laughter
And light footsteps
Now
Take on the still
Silent
Coat
Of grass
And moss

Though
I try
Over and over
With all of my might
I cannot
Grasp
Hold
Keep
The finite
In these mortal
Hands
But
Maybe
Just maybe
I can bring
A drop
Of the infinite
In
Sweet
Soul
Balm
Love forever
Source
Beyond measure
Comfort
In
The night
My Mother
My God
My heart’s
True
Home
My heart’s
Ultimate
Delight

I cannot shake
This sand from my
Fingers
Thumb rolls
Against finger tip
And sand
Collapses
Into ash

Heart soft
Slow
Gentle roll
Of tear on cheek
No gush
No leak
Just a little creak
As I adjust
To what is

Sit
Deep in the loam
Feel
Deep in my bones
The dance
Of death and decay
With the seed’s sweet urge
To sprout

But they are frustrated
Death does not come
Seed does not
Sprout

Maybe these tears
Will bring about
The release
That allows
Death and life
To progress

Maybe
They already are
And I am looking
In all the wrong
Places

Helpless
Nothing is wrong
Held
Nothing is wrong
Tip of the tongue
Sparked with sweet
As the sides
Squeeze
With the bitterness
Of it all

Yet
I must eat
Human
Body
Finite
I must eat
Broken glass
Fresh grass
I must eat

Thank God
For this moment
To just be
Feel the warmth
And cold
Mix inside of me
Catch the sliver
Of the sun on the horizon
Before blindness
Returns
And my feet turn
To the mechanics
Of gain and loss
Comfort and strain
Fighting against
Time’s
Incessant
Movement
Of perception’s
Window
Pane

Just above
The surface
Of my muscles
Electricity
Plays
Taunting
Coaxing them
To clench
Lock
Into this red hot
Rage

This sewing machine
Inanimate as it is
Has not
So much
Done me wrong
But who can deny
The orgasmic
Song
It would sing
As it kissed
The wall
With animal
Force
Parts
Fling
To
And fro
Sweet
Sweet
Release
No more
Fucking
Sewing
This hobby
Has run its
Course

Oh sewing machine
Sacrificial lamb
I infuse you with
The insanity
Of raising children
In this community
Forsaken
Land
As you soar
Through the air
I give to you
The roar
Of billions of women
Sick
Of being less
While men
Are more

May your destruction
Bring peace

Fuck you
Sewing
Machine

Like a bird
Of prey
My mind
Is attuned
To notice
Change

Coming and going
Echoed
In feelings
Of elation
And pain

How then
Can I find
The Infinite
Who’s love
Never waivers
Or stops
But always
Impossibly
Remains
The same

My ears
And tongue
Retreat
From the
Mind’s
Constant
Hum
And open
Expand
To Love’s
Gentle
Thrum

Oh God
When I ask
For words
I hear none
But when I come
Opened
By my frailty
And Need
I am greeted
With a love
I could never
Imagine
Must feel
Cannot see

Oh Momma
Help me
Receive
Help me
See
Your constant
Love
Through the
Ways
It changes
Me

It has been
Three months
Since I
Let you go

And ohhhh
How my heart
Then
Was filled
With woah
She did not know
What to do
With this gaping hole
Left
In life
Without you

We sat then
In the sea
Of grief
I held her
Then
In her pain
And her need

And I said
Little one
Give it time
Rest into God
And maybe
You will find
The answer
To this blood
Gush
Pain
Crush
Something warm
Nourishing
Kind

So
We
Waited there
I held her
When needed
But we stayed
There
As time passed
And the pain
Receded

Three months
Three months
We can revisit
In three months
Nothing done
Cannot be
Undone
If it
Is willed
By She

And now
The time is up

Now what

Heart flutter
Awake
Eagerness
And fear
Expressed
In a mild
Quake

What now
What do I want
What can I give
And how?

Jumble inside
Give it a few days
Rumble inside
It’s okay
Let it stay

And now
What do I want
To say?

Just this

Beautiful being
Gift from our God
I want further release
For you
And for me
I want to let go
Of the No
The boundary
The barrier
The huge ass wall
That protects me
Through you
From the parts of me
I don’t want to
See

I want to be open
To connection
And to none
To no reflection
When I am seeking
Some

And even if you
Say No
I am complete
For in me
I have found
My own
Release

Mother
Forgive me
For I
Must
Fuss
At the breast
Despite
My best
Effort
To let go

How do I
Let go
How do I
Know
That these
Raw nerves
Burnt in the past
Won’t be
Burnt again

How do I
Loosen the hold
Of what was
What could be
And let the now
Settle
In

Momma
I am thirsty
Help me drink
I am hungry
Help me eat
Or
Bold release
Help me see
How to love
This thirst
And hunger
That are
Such
Integral
Parts
Of me

When the world
Has battered me
And I am bruised
And bloody
Through and through
Where do I go
To lick
My wounds?

Do I run to you
Generous warmth
Or away from you
Seeking the solace
Of being alone

This voice
That rises up
When I am hurt
And afraid
Is ancient
Powerful
The things
From which
Gods are
Made

Do I trust you
With
This seed
Of vulnerability
Flower petal
Dew drop
Dancing bubble
About to pop

Will you be gentle
Immaculate care
Or will your emotions
Take hold
Explode
Or even worse
Show only
Apathetic cold

It is a split moment
In the chaos of pain
But I know it so well
Live it
Again and again

Oh divine
Mother of mine
Hold us both now
Help us to find
That tender
Connection
Heart open
Rest
Regeneration

Help us
Change
The pattern
Of generations
Nurture this tender
Shoot
Of trust
Care
Repair
Intimacy
And
Celebration