Category: Uncategorized

How does one
Outrun
Ones self
When that
Howling voice
That makes you
Want to hide
Is coming
From inside
Your own head

When it reverberates
Off the walls
Threatens to shatter
All
Of the windows
And the only space
You can find
Is when you
Run
Outside
Of your own
Home

Cold
Shivering
Alone

Fling
Pleas
For reprieve
First
In a whimper
The better
To hide
But when the voice
Comes
As it always does
The pleas
Turn to screams
As the one
Shatters into a hundred
Scatters
Every direction
Away
Perfect
Prey
For fear
To gobble up
One
By
One

Run

But
There is nothing
To run
From

I am the fear
And no matter
How many times
I tear
Myself in two
I will find
My fear
Anew

But
Look harder now
Rest
Catch your breath
Look deeper now
Can you also make out
The little gleaming bit
Of Infinite
God gave to you?
The way
She holds you
Even as the Finite
Is shattered
Gathered
Rebuilt
A new
Different
Life
Carved out
For you

The road ahead
May be
A treacherous
Dead end
But sister
Please
Turn your head
A little
To the left
Let
The tremors of change
Pass through you
Break you
Remake you
Let
The left foot fall
And then the right
Or maybe
Just crawl
Along the new road
You didn’t see
Let
Her guide you
Let
This soften you
Let
Love carry you
Through
To
The new path
Made
Just for you

I have found
The land
Of milk
And honey
And I never
Want
To leave

Curled toes
Relax
With you

Chest
Free
From the constant
Seize
With you

Breath
Slows
Makes love
With my heart
And I
Come home
To me
With you

Soft
Doe sigh
When it is finally time
To say goodbye

Peace
Free
Eyes
Able
To see
The beauty
All around
Me

But
Not for long
Never for long

Time brings
Boulders
Of chaos
And fear
Screams
It’s not safe
Here

And I once again
Need
Comfort
And care
Assurance
Inspiration
The intimacy
Of your melodic voice
That hits that note
Just right
Signaling
All of the pieces of me
Back home

Home
Home
Home
To the body
That stands
For
One
Precious
Moment
In the promised
Land

Why
Do I fail
My son
My heart
This way

Goddamnit you dragon
Can’t you just
Wait
While I walk
Him
To his
Classroom
Without
Pulling away

Fuck

Fangs
Sink
Deep
Into the pink
Flesh
Of an apple
Plucked from its mother
Before it was ripe
Just so
It could ripen
In isolation
In service
Of perfection
Upon meeting
It’s devourer
On the sterile
Set
Of a grocery stand
Humans circling
Hunting
Hungry
For food
Gathered
Butchered
Packaged
Cleaned
By another
Just so
They can move
Seemlessly
From the hunt
To the spa
Or to work
In a job
Where
Imperfection
Is unprofessional

I cannot believe
I would sacrifice our
Bond
In service to
School
To the whims
Of a culture
That clearly
Doesn’t give a shit
About helpless kids
Over the NRA
Boy band
That has its hands
Wrapped around
Our throat

I am a fool
Piercing my own heart
With my claws
God
Help me stop this madness
Help me chose love
Over armed slavery
To my own wounds
Help me chose
Together
Help me stop
Drawing pictures
And rooms
And worlds
Of isolation
Where my son
And my heart
Cannot find me

God help me
I have sinned

Oh
How eagerly
I seek
The divine
Breast

Every
Conscious
Action
My best
Attempt
To make it
Mine

Curl around
Safe and sound
Soft
Warm
Nurture
Cradled
In the soft
Armor
Of forever
Connection

And I know
So much
More
About me
As I see
How
Even now
I hold on tight
To a dream’s
Memory
Slip into
Reverie
And emerge
Into the
Honesty
Of now
With a
Muffled scream

On the surface
In the waiting room
Or drop off line
I may
Seem
Here
Clear

But inside
My heart
Is clawing
Through
Time
To once again
Find
The breast
The snuggle
The best
Refuge
She knows
The best way
She knows
To stay
In the blissful state
Of
Okay

When did eves heart
Start
To beat
When was the need
For the push and pull
Of empty and full
First seen

When did Adam first
Know
Not enough
Hunger
Hunter
Needing
To feed

When did I say
Yes
To this life
First breath on my own
Lungs
Burn
Until I let go
A wild cry
That triggers
My lungs
To breath in
Full

When
When
When did we know
The then and now
Of when

When did we learn
Beginning
And end

We explore
Our three-dimensional space
In body
Yet our mind
Tries
To traverse
The fourth
Dimension of time
And what follows
Is both
Torture
And sublime

What
Do we hope
To find

Turn back
To the apple tree
Sit
Try
To resist
The sweetness
Of apples
Untouched
Fallen
All around me

I am finite
Yes

But
Does that mean
I am destined
To horde
Hold
In
Hold off
Everyone
And every thing
So I can be
Free
From my need
Or
Is the freedom
In the wide
Messy
World
Of enough
For you
Enough for me
All my senses
Bring
Now
Will be
Enough
For me
Some
How

How do I pause
Mid scream
To let
The cool breeze
In
How does my
Heart
Pause
Mid squeeze
To let
Your warm
Love
In

How do I meet
This cascade
Of pain
With the softness
Of moss
Instead
Of the rock wall
Of rage

Magnet
Holding my heart
Here
Hands
Fists
Claws
Wanting to tear

Open
Tender palm

Fingers
Of sand
Follow the siren song
On the wind
Until they are gone
And my palms
Dissolve
Running after them
Not willing to stay
And fling
A desperate
Goodbye
Destined
To die
Before it meets
It’s mark

Eyes
Bewildered
Wash
The scene
With tears
Wash wash wash
Maybe
When it clears
All will be well
I will be whole

But
I have eaten
The apple
And I know
Whole
Is not
Here to be found
Holes
Are here to stay
No matter how we
Divide them
Fight them
Flee them
Ignite them
Life
Conceives
The tree
Grows the apple
Juicy
And plump
In front of me
Sets in my belly
The need
To feed
And weeps
With joy
And despair
Love
And care
As I eat
To survive
Taste buds
Bright and alive
Rejoice
At the juice
The crunch
Of flesh
And I
Beg forgiveness
From the tree
For taking this apple
Consuming it
To give me
More time
On the clock
More energy
To walk
To the next tree
And the next
While I try
To work out
Why
I am
Even on
This journey

Flesh
Muscle
Bone
Politely move aside
While the knife
Slides
Into its new
Home

Smooth
Marble
Crumbles
While tall
Grass
Sighs
And the wrecking ball
Fumbles
Tumbles
In on itself

Force of will
Is nothing here
Silent
And still
Nothing to fight
Here

To curse
Death
Is to grasp
Tight
Life’s own tail

I sit here
Naked
Skin
Soft
No hint
Of scale

Body screams
Signaling
An inhale
Alarm rings
Signaling
A return
To life
Sight
Family
Shoes
And socks
And ringing
The dinner
Bell

I have this poison
Inside of me
Jagged edge pressing
Deep
Into my heart
Taking away
My freedom
To be
Kind

Teeth clench
Mind wrench
The wires up from the floor
Fuck this reality
I will play
The innocent
No more

I hurt
I destroy
Maybe I hide
It all from my
Conscious mind
But it is not a question
Of if
But how much

I have eaten
This apple that I love
Watched grow from
A bud
Yet
I cannot starve
Right?
Life must go in
Right?

By what right do I stand here
Demand Your Love
By the right of the Agreement
Made above
My pay grade
I am experience
The finite
You are Love
The infinite
One without the other
Would not quite
Make a whole
So I am here
Make me whole
Love me whole
Love me even as you see
The whole
Ugly
Me
Please
Momma
Help me to be
Kind again
Help me to see
The light
Again

Wash the blood
From my hands
Or better yet
Love the me
That is bathed in the blood
Of anger
Rage
And
Entitled treachery

Give me a pen
And I will write
Stifle me
Cage me
And with claw and fang
I will fight

What might
Happen
If I spoke
More often

I know
Sometimes
In the past
I have
And it didn’t go
Right

But
Was that
Really me
Or
Dragon momma
Trying to
Protect me

I want to speak
Unfiltered
But I am baby
Speech
Not yet acquired
So
Big
Beautiful
Adult me
Will you be
The one I need
Will you
Pause
The podcast
Open notes
Set thumb to screen
And let me
Finally
Speak
Freely

Yesterday
I stripped naked
To wade
Into the sea
Hoping
My life
Would satiate
And she
Would spare you
And take me

But eventually
I washed up to shore
Eyes fight through the burn
To open
To search
But you were
No more

Collapse
Fight
Scream
Anything
To convince
Time
To give you back
To me

Back to the lush forest
Staring at the sea
Turn back to the lush forest
Where your laughter echoes
From every tree
Embrace of your palm
In the veins
Of a fig leaf
Silk of your skin
In the moss
Of a rock
Resting by the stream

Mist clings to my face
Befriends
The tears
These years
Cannot erase

Neck bristles
And the warm prickle
Of sun pierced through
Thick canopy
To whisper in my ear
I am here
All around
I am Love
And I am always holding
You