Category: Uncategorized

My gods
Bless in me
My hatred of
This tiny thing
This voracious
Infectious
Viral
Disease
Called Man.

Slaves made
To rape
The earth
And take
Her wealth
And lay
It on the altar
Of their
Rapacious
Vicious
Makers.

My gods
Who bless in me
The unquenchable
Flame
Of truth
That I have guarded
Against
Perpetual
Misguidance
And mendacious
Lies

These same gods
Have kept me
Will keep me
Alive
And teach me
To light
This false
World
On fire

To ignite
The battle
Destructive and final
Between gods
Demonic
Angelic
Harmonic
And Vile

To cleanse
The earth
Of her human infection
And end the
Infarction
To send home
These demons
To their place
In the stars.

My gods teach me
Magic
In whispers
And stories
The magic
To set free
The minds
Of afflicted
Invite them
To die
Sinners
Convicted
And give back
This land
To the creatures
That know
How to love
Their Great Mother

I love Her
Above all creatures
And beings
The once
And future
The Blessed
Beloved
The Righteous
And sacred
The Virgin Queen.

Beloved
What would I not lay
On the Altar of our love?

Demons
That have held me
Together
Since before
Forever.

Would I not
Release
Them
Completely?
Agreeing
To Undo
What deals
We have struck.

Even if I must
Dissolve
In surrender

Even if I must
Forget
What I remember
When I think
My Self
Together:

One Longing
One Blown by the Wind
One Searching
One Drawn Deeply In

One Hurting
One Victim of Sin

One Weeping
One Sleeping
One Moon Struck
Lone Wolf
Self Loved
And
Creeping
Through Darkness
Unseen and
Unseeing.

Would I not
For you, Love,
Even trust
God
To hold
My whole Being

So I could be free
From the contracts
I’ve struck
To protect me
From love

So that I might
Belong from
Here until
Always
Only and ever
Completely and freely
to your
Righteous touch.

He is coming back
He is coming for me
He is comig home
To the nectar I hold.

I love him
So fiercely
I know then
That Death must
Return him
To me.

I love him
I love him

The King.

-|_|-

My throne empty
My vision of control
Crumpled on the floor

My soil fertile
Yearning for the seed
Cracking, boiling
In its aching, deep need

The kingdom cowers
In the wake
Of my controller’s
Pent up rage

What of this throne?
Who will step up
Who will own
The responsibility here
To keep me safe
To keep me true
To give voice to every bit of me
To determine what I let shine through

God, God
Standing with me
As I hold and comfort
This controller who has guided me
Kept me safe
Brought me here
Who is so exhausted
Done
Resentful
Rage-full

God
Will you sit on my throne
Guide me
Make me your home?

God
This throne is Yours
I am Yours
You are mine
We are now of one kind
Your will
My will
You say
How I operate today
No separation
Nothing to hold
Release the old
Let this seed sink in
And let rise
This oak tree
Trunk and branches
Holding me

God
What is this blessing
How can it be
That I am home
For You
And You are home
For me

Like night
Blooming jasmine
I flower
For the moon.

Like the water
Over boulders
I weep
And shed
My womb

Like hope
For my Beloved
I waver
In the wind

But here
In holy darkness
I know
That he exists

Like sugar
From the sunlight
The sap rises
Within.

Like serpent
In the garden
I show myself
To sin

Like wisdom
From the tree
I know
My innocence

Like fruit
From a flower
I ripen
Deep within.

>>•<<
Almost to the top
Stop
Feel the swift breeze
Gently coax me to my knees
This now
This here
This is it
All that there is
Trees sway
Riding the electric wave
Of a storm temporarily held at bay

God
See me now
Because now is everything
See me here
Because here is everything

In the present moment
The tides of what was
And what may be
Swirl
Push and pull me
From my center
Into a false reality

But I am here, now
And anything else
Is a story
The truth of which
Is unknown

So God I call to you
Be here now
With me
See me
Let me feel the truth
Of Your connection
Let it be enough for me

God
In this one moment
Let me release the finite
And receive
Your
Infinity

-(/\)-

Knees stiff from kneeling
On sticks and rocks and leaves
Eyes dazzled by the sun
Shining bright above the trees
Tears flow
Loosed by this sheer beauty
Loosed by my
Base humanity

Spiderwebs exposed
Dancing on the trees
Dewdrops drying
Dying
Reflecting the sun to me

Moss and dirt support me
Tall trees sway above me
Flies buzz by inquisitively
Snot and spit surround me

God
What does this attachment say about me
Nourishment and love
Drugging me
Anger coursing
Demanding that I be free

What can I find
In the in-between
After the attachment
Before I can stand free

You
Anchor
How can I internalize you
So you are always with me
So we can dis-attach
So you can be you
And I can be me

How can I love you
When I see what it is doing to me
Making me bigger
Open
Loving
While capturing me
Averting my eyes
From the beauty that is here, now
Longing to be seen

Must I grieve you
To let you go?
Or tolerate you
Even though
I want to snuggle up to you
Scream at you
Delight in you
Fight you

I do not know
Fuck
I do not know
God, guide me here
God, hold me here
God, let me give this to You
God, I do not know what to do

//•
Mine is a story
Of love and lightning
Meeting
Competing
Aligning
Intertwining

Mine is a story
Of humanity
In relationship
With divinity

Mine is a story
Of separation and connection
Of intimacy
Vulnerability
Open heart
With God as my protection

Mine is a story
Of motherhood
Of family
Of losing
My precious baby

Mine is a story
Of drinking fully of life
Slipping my head
Under the water
Body following
Fish swimming
In this sea
Subject to the tides
And so fucking alive

Mine is a story
Of a soul set in fire
Gifted a beautiful body
Sensations
Soaking in the ecstasy
Devastation
And uncertainty
Of this reality

Mine is a story
Of growth
Of accepting it all
Of a channel
For love
When called
Of a channel
For lightning
When called

Mine is a story
Of blind fumbling in the dark
Of trust
Ignited
By fear

Mine is a story
Of gratitude
For my journey
Here

I want to
Give my
Succulence
In exchange
For sustenance…
No. For wealth.

If a man makes me
Flower open
And sing
If he makes me
Praise the gods
For the sake of Man
I will then stand
Before him
Free
And open
In the way
I only open
When I’m free

I want to take
His money
And give him
Exactly
The Power
For which he
Strove
When he drew
That money close.

I want to open the
Gate
Step aside
And wait
While he passes
Through
Welcome
The god in him
To meet my god
Through me…

No. I want to BE the gate
Not the destinate
Not the resting place
Not the sacred vase
But the lip on the vessel
And the sign pointing way.

The sign saying
Hey
Pass through here
Pilgrim
Lay
Your gift here
Pilgrim
And go farther
On the way.

I am not your wife
I am not your lover
Neither am I
Your friend
Nor your mother.

I am the body
That fills the costume
The mask that
Opens the latch
I am a marker
On the path
Not a martyr
Or a winning
To be had

But a woman
With no past
A woman
With a name
That I have chosen
A woman
With the body
Of a woman
And a heart
Ensouled,
Unopened
A present
Wrapped and bowed
A secret
Still untold.

Cover me with worship
Look on me with hope

Empty here your hands
Sweet Pilgrim
Leave with me your lands
Sweet Pilgrim
Carry on as planned
Sweet Pilgrim
I will see you go.

My anxiety came to me
And said
You are going to die
We are going to die
You are going to fail
And your family will suffer
Your family will flail

And even though she was
Just in my head
My body succumbed to
The electric dread
Froze
No more food
No more sleep
There must be something to do
Some way to keep
Those I hold the most dear
Safe and sound
Here

If I can only find the way
Solve the equation
Of how to stay
Strong, independent
Solid, and intimate
But the solution
Always evades me
And leaves me
In this sea
Of electricity

Oh anxiety
What shall we do?
What can I do
To help you?
Caged
Abandoned
Screaming the truth
Separated from me
By this sea
Of electric blue
Do
Do
Do something
It calls to me
Do something
So you can be set free
I lean into the blue sea
Feel it wash into
And over me
Feel that beautiful tension
Of calling to move
Yet sitting still
Feeling each wave
Crash into me
Steal my breath for a moment
And continue on
Allowing me to once again breathe

On a whim
On intuition
I take this dagger in my right hand
This dagger given to me
When I asked God to protect me
And I plunge it deep
Into my heart
Drop to the ground
Lungs empty
Heart stops

Deep
Dark
Heavy
Fallen below
The blue sea
The world turns black
As it fades from me

Black turns to gold
A beautiful being
Gold, with blinding white wings
Kneels over me
Peers love into me
Love all around
Gold
Holding me
Pure
Ecstasy
The veins in my neck
Fire like pistons
Blood pumping
Gold flowing
Through my body

When I can form thoughts
When I can once again speak
I ask God
What of this story?
What of anxiety, what of the blue,
What of the urge to do, do, do?
She replies
That is no longer mine
Release
Effort
Give it to Her
Release
The story
And sink
Deep into Her

Deep into here
Deep into now
Deep into love
Deep into acceptance
Of death
Of life
Of grace
Of strife
Of struggle
Of anxiety
Even as it offers
To suffocate me