Category: Uncategorized

I am dying
All is for naught
Oh wait
It’s PMS

I am a paper sailboat
Floating
On the ocean
Of emotion

And these pebbles
Of guilt
And loss
Fret
And regret
Weigh me down
And I sink
A little deeper
With each one
I take on
I drink
A little deeper
With each one
I take in

What if I exhale
Fully
And the breath
Of life
Never returns
To me?

What if I stop pushing
Forward
And just be
Will the rabid dogs
Of despair
Overwhelm me?

I don’t know
So
I keep sailing
Carrying
These rocks
Trying my best
To see
That they are a part of me
That I am a part of this sea
And redemption
Comes
When I release
Relax
And let it
Engulf
Carry
Or Eat
Me

Why do I look to you
Puppy-dog eyes watching
Reading
Ears perked
Catching the intonation
Of your
Breathing

Why does my soul feel
Like underwear on the line
Dry
Waiting to find
Out
If it will be brought home
Or flail in the winds
Lose its grip
And lay
Trampled
In the mud

What gives you this power
When separation is an illusion
Love binds us
Combines us
There is no you
To reject or accept
Me
There is no me
To be obliterated
Celebrated
By you

I am either an instrument of God
Or not
If I am
Then God’s voice needs no validation
If I am not
Then this voice is full of inanity
And rejection
Is kind

So let us settle
Back
See what unfolds
Crack
Our knuckles as we work
To sing God into this place
Rap
Our knees against the floor
As beauty trickles in
Through the windows and the door
Tap
Our fingers on our knee
As we awkwardly
Nervously
Open ourselves
Our mouths
To express
As best
We can
The song
Of Love

Death,
When she finds me
Will be
A gateway
To ecstasy

Please, My Queen
Robed in gold
Help me to see
The heart
Of this Dream

What does this
Story
Want from me?
How can I serve
To welcome Your
Peace?

-()-//

I wandered the night alone
Fumbling in the darkness
My cry
Echoing
Against distant mountainsides

But I wasn’t alone
For long
In the depth of the night
The sweet moon came to me
Gentle, loving eye
Beacon of light
Allowing me to see

Night after night
I followed her
Danced with her
Sang songs to her
Bathed in her glow
Not noticing
That each time we met
The dark of the night
Began to give way
In a slow
Silent
Explosion of color
Into the sunrise
Not noticing
That I could see
So much more
Around me
In me
Than even her sweet
Kind
Light
Could ever unveil

Dawn after dawn
We met
A choir of birds
Singing along
With our devotional song
A gentle breeze
Coaxing the leaves
To move and sway
As we danced
The mornings away

Time after time
We met this way
Our sweet
Precious
Mornings
Slipping
Peacefully
Into the day

And though
My heart was full
Of light
And love
And connection
It faltered
And paled
As I witnessed
My sweet moon
Begin to fade
Into the sky

Once whole, now a sliver
Once blinding, now dimmer

And I asked why
Why, why
Must my moon
Be taken away from me
Why, why
Can she not always be
My companion, my rock
My anchor,
My hero
My buffer
From this darkness
Fear
Need
From this worlds
Uncertainty

But as I quivered and shook
She whispered to me
Look
Look at this beauty
That abounds
All around
Look
At the colors of emotion
Life and loss
Uncertainty and opportunity
That you can now see

Ask yourself
How
How did this come to be

It wasn’t me
It was never me
I was ever only
Reflecting
The light
That the Sun gave to me
And you and I
Have together
Weathered the night
Stepped into the day
Where the Sun rules the sky
And now
We can sit
Together
Bathe in Her light
Together
Soak up Her love
Together

And we can ask ourselves
Why
Why has the Sun
Blessed us so much
Why has She
Found us, called us
Out from the night
Why has She
Given us love and light
The gifts
Of humble listening
And humble sight

How
How can we
Take these gifts we have received
And be
Two moons
Full, bright
Reflecting the Sun’s light
Into someone else’s night

And finally I saw
The Sun in the sky
Collapsed to my knees
As I received
The warmth
Of Her love on my skin
Let it in
To touch my soft heart
Let it soak
Into my soul
Until my heart burst
And my soul exploded in song
For I had finally found
The One I had been seeking
All along

This body is
A nexus for
Blessings

A place where
Magic and miracles
Come to rest

These open hands
This sunlit chest
This fecund womb
This suckling
Upward pulling
Drink
Yoni
Drinking
Dark nectar
from the Earth.

We are all
Tasting
Our own medicine
Now
And mine
Tastes
SO
Sweet

Fear
Is here
Only now
It’s not just me
It is all of society
Global
Pandemic
Panic
Frantic
To escape
The suffering
Death
Doom
We all feel
Loom

Eyes
On those who are in it
Hearts breaking
Knees shaking
Dread
Knowing
Our time will come

What can one do
In this place?
Except drop to my knees
Face
My raw humanity
Not immune
To the virus
To the cracks
In society
To the fear
Anxiety
No, not immune
All of these pierce me
Flow through
Slivers split and lodge in my heart
Spine
Side
Mind bubbles
Sprouts
Questions
Fears
Projections
When I catch it
I do all I can
To keep my eyes on You
To keep my mind on
What I can do
To help
Myself
Others
Through

How can I absorb
Reflect
God
In this place
How can I sit
Rest
Be with
In this space
When my heart beats fast
My sleep won’t last
Through the night
Wake up
Hold tight
To Gods promises
Sit with Her
Commune
Befriend
The fright
That just might
Be the new normal

I have to drop
At least this veil
To let you through:

Here are the ways
I did not believe
I could have Love

Here are the ways
I tried to get something
That was close enough

Here is the monster
In the shape of me
Here is the soft hope
That we can strip away
The monster skin
To see what
Tender beauty
Lies within.

Beloved will you
See me
Standing
In the shards
Of wounded history?

Will you watch me
Carefully and
Lovingly
Piece myself together
From the parts of me
I could not hold
Before the magic that
You carried here for me?

Forgive me, Beloved
For who I used to be.
Forgive me, Mage
And set me free.

-__-

It is time
It is done
The scramble to the rock
As the sea crashed into me
Is done
Now
She holds me
Strong
Steady
And whispers on the breeze
That it is time

Time to sit
Rest
Relax in this place
Close my eyes
Red from scanning
Searching
Weeping
Release my limbs
Heavy from holding
Tending
Keeping

It is time
To just be
No ego
No spirit
Journey
Calling me

She has me
I have Her
I am held
It is okay
To stay
Here
Rest
Here
Nest
Here
Love
Life
Here
Today