Grief and Gratitude

The health of my son
Has never been
Something I have taken
For granted
For I was shown
Before he crossed the threshold
That health
Is not guaranteed
And so
Every time
That I see
The miracle
Of him jumping
And running
Swimming and splashing
My heart
Crumbles
In gratitude

The life of my son
My husband
My loves
I no longer take
For granted
For I was shown
Through the death
Of my unborn son
That life
Is not guaranteed
And so
Every time
That I see
The sparkle of their joy
The storm of their unrest
Feel
The warmth of their skin
The wisp of their breath
My heart
Melts
And is reforged anew
In gratitude

The calm of daily life
The clear blue
Summer
Sky
I no longer take
For granted
For I was shown
Unruffled safety
Is not guaranteed
When I felt
The fury of a wildfire
Ripping through my town
The oppression
Of never ending
Smoke
Bearing
Down
And so
Every time
I get to breathe
Full
Open
Magnificent
Forest air
And return to my home
Gloriously
Standing there
My heart
Sighs
And rests
In gratitude

The full body
Magic
Of a hug
A million
Invisible connections
In the physical presence
Of one whom I love
I no longer take
For granted
For I was shown
That disease
Can cause us to flee
Into our own
Homes
Safe
And yet
Separate
Alone
And so
When I get to be
With you
And you get to be
With me
My heart melts
In the sweet
Ecstasy
Of gratitude

My grief
Has shown me
How fear
And loss
Reveal
What truly
Is important to
Me
And how to
Fully
Be
In absolute delight
And deep gratitude
For the gifts
Unbidden
Never promised
Yet
Generously
Given to me

Bleed

•-•-••

Poetry is a violent act
Words polished and honed
With one purpose
To drive deep into your defenses
And, once buried, expand
So that cracks begin to form
So that a hole opens up

Defenses penetrated, these words
Pierce the heart
Or, if well aimed,
The soul
They pierce so deep
Emotions, impulses once buried
Seep out
Like blood

And then
Like a barbed spear
These words rip the hole wider
As the poem ends and they retreat
And nothing but your seeping heart and cracked defenses remain
Except
You find
You are a little bigger