Author: Jennifer

Violent
Chest bump
Waiting
Praying
For that
Thump thump
To return

Come on heart
It is your turn
To once again
Pump blood
To limbs
Limp
And heavy
In their need
For oxygen

I don’t want
To sink
Close the shutters
Retreat
In

I don’t want
Lightning
Lighting the way
Sparking
Wildfires
In its wake

I want heavy eye lids
Flutter
With a sip of coffee
And a kiss
And a
Time to wake up
Face the day
Hunt
And gather
And rest
Exhausted
And full
At the fire
At the end
Knowing
How
And why
And what
To do
When day
Breaks
Again

Suffering
Suffering
Come and get
Me

Sink your claws in deep
Scratch the itch
I like to keep
Hidden
Lest the crackle
Rises
Unbidden

All alone
Hear the hum
All alone
Heart beat
Drums
The end
Near

Can my heart
Also hear
The song bird
In the trees
Calling
Grace
And love
And comfort
Down from the heavens
To meet
Me

Flight
Flight
Freeze
Hand open
Offering
Relief

How do I hold
The hand
Made of
Light
And love
When I am made of matter
And touch
Does matter
Skin
Muscle
And bone
Speak a language
Distance
Does disown

There is no denying
Space is separation
And separation
Is suffering

And life is growing
From seed to
Pea in a pod
To baby
Screaming
And kicking
And sucking
And nuzzling

Then stack
Legs on feet
Walking is falling
Living is eating
And shitting
And growing
Is going
When it is time

Heart wrench

For staying
And praying
Cannot make
This
Last forever
But waiting
Can feed
A lifetime
To regret

And my feet
Have not yet
Succumbed
To the quicksand
Of decay

So suffering
Come and get me
Maybe I will run
To meet you
And maybe I
Will run away
But either way
We dance
Today

I am so tired
But I don’t dare
Close my eyes
That is when
The tangled feelings
Rise
Hot tears
Leak
And heart
Cries

Keep them open
Look to the sky
Sunshine
Sun shine
Take in the beauty
When the sun shines
Sliver lights up
A ridge top
Of winter pine
Wisp
Of mist
Rises
When ray
Meets moss

God care
For the bull fight
In there
I will set to making
Learning
Creating
I will busy my hands
Body
Mind
Until the tsunami
Resides
And I can once again find
Refuge
When I go
Inside

Get through the wave
Just get through
The wave
Though the water
Might
Turn to ice
Slice
Your heart to ribbons
Just
Bite your lip
Take every sip
Of sweet nourishment
You can
And
Get through
The wave

Chaos
All around
Certainty
That you will drown
Exhaustion
The more you flail
These all come
Without fail

But also
With time
They do
Go
Too

There will be some puking
On the shore
To be sure
But also
Solid ground
Sun to warm
Bird cries
Reminding you
Of the
Reprieve
You will find
Amongst the trees
Fresh water
To wash the sand
From your mouth
Cool breeze
To tickle your cheek
Welcome you back
To the center
Welcome you
To enter
The great big arms
Of the Universe
Cozy
And warm
Love
Everlasting
Even for
The forlorn

I must
Let some of this
Go
Goodness knows
I will drown with the
Weight of it

Burrowed down
So deep
The sun
Keeps
To little slivers of day
How do I get to the mountain top
Bathed in sun
Oh God
Show me
The way

Eventually I must
Pull my eyes
From the sunset
Stop the desperate run
Of my heart
Against time
Stretching the
Line
Holding the last
Wisp of the sun

Fuck the sunrise
It is not the same
You are not in it
In the same way
And I have no interest
In the promise
Of this new day

But the river
Whisks
Yesterday away
And I will drown
If I cannot find a way
To let go

Stupid strong will
Hold
Let this old body
Hold
The tension
No matter the injuries
I am strong
Or shredded to pieces
I do not care
I will hold
Drown
Cold
Hold

Hold

Hold

But I do know
I cannot hold
Forever
I am human
Try as I might
To go up against the Universe
I am finite
And will of course
Run out of strength
Before
Reality bends

Cough up
Black ink
On the river bed
Eyes fall
To the sand
Where thoughts
Are scrambling like crabs
To find just the right
Way
To say
What I feel
To peel
The cracked skin away
So I can find some peace
In the way
It is
Today

I hate you
Who
Found the chink in my skin
Let the morning’s dew in

Sting sings
My blood to boiling
Even as it saps
The powerhouse
For the punch
That would evaporate
You
All at once

Punch pulled
Your face still there
Hands cold
Wavering in the air

There is nothing to strike
Truth be told
You are merely an illusion
Bought and sold

Atom bomb
Hold
Hold
Fold
The energy in

Deep water
Cold
Soft boil
Of a hundred bombs
Hissing
And me
Just humming along

Everything is ok

You don’t
Really
Give a fuck
Anyway

But she is so young
They would say
When they found out

As if
Life
Would be so polite
As to wait
For old age
To start
This fight

They want to know
Why
Anything
To untangle
Their future
From this existential scare
Must be the purple hair
You won’t catch me with that
Anywhere

But no one is safe
From suffering
All we control
Is what we choose
To do
When it comes

Fight
Flee
Deny
Or
Sit with
And drink tea

I have done all of these
When suffering came to me
Thrashing around
In a wide open sea
Searching for an anchor
To hold me
Reprieve
So I could relax
And finally breathe

This anchor
Is God to me
In a finite world
So intricate
That to our minds
The possibilities are infinite
I choose to see
A God
Who loves me
A place where I can be
At peace
A Love
That breathed me into
Being
That holds me
When I am grieving
That greets me with
A twinkle of joy in Its eye
When I grow
Struggle
Thrive
And when I
Die

You are so beautiful
When you grieve
I whisper
Imperceptibly
Because
We both wish
For you to be
Happy

It is not our role
To dole
Out the suffering
It follows its own
Wild
Nature
Weaving
In and out
Of our lives
Weaving
Us all
Together
Forever

Manifest destiny
The power of one
We see what destruction
This mantra
Has done

Grief is the stumble
The broken foot
The incessant reminder
That we sometimes
Need
Other
To stand up
And recover

Absence
Opens
My eyes
Wide

How could I
Have ever
Rushed through
A hug with you
Exchange of words
Was
Lovely too

I could feel
The universe breathe
In your
Heart beat

Swim
In the scent
Of you
Held close to your
Skin

Heart awakens
In the now
From memories
Of then

Grabs
The bright colors
To paint the
Wide open blue sky
Golden fields of wheat
Soft green grass
Nestling my feet

Sweet summer scent
Warm summer breeze
Laughter of family
Heart dutifully records these

Intimate memories
From which she will pull
One day
When absence once again
Graces her
Doorstep
And her ache
Breaks
The dull hue
Presents the threshold
Crossing
Will rebuild her
Anew

It is
Such
A thick stew
Noticing
The love
In every
Single
Thing
That we
All
Do

Heart
Tender
Enter
The world
Of a million
Nerve endings
Feeling the
Fragile weight
Of morning
Dew

Look for the love
You will always find it
The question is
Have we aligned it
With what is
Or stowed it
Away
For another moment
Another day
Unaware
Of how it withers
And poisons the
Soul’s soil
With the waste

Taste
The blood’s iron
On the tongue
Washed
With the salt
Of soft tears

Let them fall
Let them mix
Isn’t this
The crux
If all of us
Who
In the Finite
Exist

Well
It is a fine
Night
To lay
Splayed
On the floor
Realize
That this heart pumps
Blood
As well as gold
Pray
For strength
As these old
Arms
Stir
Stir
Stir
The stew
Infuse
Love
Into every thing
That I
Say
See
And do