Introvert

Deep in my belly
God lives
Through the yoni gate
She is
Luxurious
In Holy Darkness

Inside of my ribs
A soul is
Being forged
By this Life
Living through me.

Inside of my head
A story plays:
A rough—
But very rough
shark skin,
Steel wool,
Hitting the pavement
From a downhill
Riding bike
Rough—approximation
Of reality.

Inside of my head is
An abrasive narrative

Will you forgive me if
I can’t think of many
Things worth saying
Out loud
To You
About me
Or anyone
Or anything else

When God lives
In my unspoken depths
And a soul is taking
Shape inside my chest
And the story playing
Inside my head
Is shit?

Will you forgive me if
I’ve yet to decipher
How other people
Walk around like this
Looking for someone
To talk to
About the weather?
The government?
Or even about the highest
and most holy bliss.

I don’t know what to say
Except that
God dwells in my inner silence
And my heart is broken
Open from the pressure
In the forge
And I’m tired of the story
I’ve been telling
And of my own voice
And of yours.

I’m tired of our stories.

Did you hear the last thing I will say?
God dwells in my pelvis, silent
And my soul is being forged.

Grief and Gratitude

The health of my son
Has never been
Something I have taken
For granted
For I was shown
Before he crossed the threshold
That health
Is not guaranteed
And so
Every time
That I see
The miracle
Of him jumping
And running
Swimming and splashing
My heart
Crumbles
In gratitude

The life of my son
My husband
My loves
I no longer take
For granted
For I was shown
Through the death
Of my unborn son
That life
Is not guaranteed
And so
Every time
That I see
The sparkle of their joy
The storm of their unrest
Feel
The warmth of their skin
The wisp of their breath
My heart
Melts
And is reforged anew
In gratitude

The calm of daily life
The clear blue
Summer
Sky
I no longer take
For granted
For I was shown
Unruffled safety
Is not guaranteed
When I felt
The fury of a wildfire
Ripping through my town
The oppression
Of never ending
Smoke
Bearing
Down
And so
Every time
I get to breathe
Full
Open
Magnificent
Forest air
And return to my home
Gloriously
Standing there
My heart
Sighs
And rests
In gratitude

The full body
Magic
Of a hug
A million
Invisible connections
In the physical presence
Of one whom I love
I no longer take
For granted
For I was shown
That disease
Can cause us to flee
Into our own
Homes
Safe
And yet
Separate
Alone
And so
When I get to be
With you
And you get to be
With me
My heart melts
In the sweet
Ecstasy
Of gratitude

My grief
Has shown me
How fear
And loss
Reveal
What truly
Is important to
Me
And how to
Fully
Be
In absolute delight
And deep gratitude
For the gifts
Unbidden
Never promised
Yet
Generously
Given to me