It’s not physical hunger, per se.
Not real.
Emotional hunger
Mental
Not rational
And illegitimate
Therefore
So “they” would say.
I say:
Hunger from years
and years
of not being enough
and not eating enough
until I ate too much
for which punishment
MUST be severe.
I ate a loaf of bread today
and threw it up
Rather than hate myself
I thought
I’ll clean the toilet now
So I have a sacred place
To vomit later.
And I may.
I baked another loaf
Hand made
Opened the window
And scrubbed the tub
Now I’ll lay
In the bed where I
Made love
For first time
Only yesterday.
I’ll rub my belly
Which hurts now
From throwing up.
I’ll say: I’m sorry belly.
I hurt you.
But I wont pay
Penance with a diet scheme
I think up.
I’ll feel hurt
I’ll be imperfect
And I’ll die “too soon”
For what I’ve done.
But I wont add an insult
To the injury.
My body
Deserves food
Today and every day.
Sinner as I may be
I choose to protect
This body
Inspite of me.
I choose to let Her feed
And eat too much
And gain weight
And be too soft
And be too much
Or not enough
An animal.
A not human.
A free beast.