My tummy hurts
A lot
Every day
My tummy hurts
My heart
My tummy hurts
My brain
My womb hurts
My guts hurt
My will hurts
For some hours
Of the day
Every day
For months
And years
And more
Than a decade.
Curled up
On the floor
Hating
My feelings,
Hating
My shame.
Stuck here
Washed ashore
Deserted
And hungry
Weak and
Insane.
Locked down
And sheltered
In place
Afraid to go out
Afraid to engage
Because sooner
Or Later
I’ll be ruled
By this pain
For years now.
My life force
Squandered
On hurting
My life force
Eaten by
Pain.
Impotent in
So many ways:
Retarded,
Teen-aged
Unable to
Transition
To Mother
From Maid
Unable to Create
Unable to Sustain
I am hurt
It defines me
I am hurt and
Hurt binds me
I am jailed
And my Jailor
Is Pain.
I am sick
And infected
With sorrow
From days
Upon days
Upon days.
I don’t want
To be with
This sadness
Gods, hear me
It’s too much
To take.
I don’t want
To be healed
If it means
I must yield
The flood tide
Of grief
Surging
Beneath
The Pain
That I’ve felt
Every day.
Gods please
Save me
Gods please
Grace me
Don’t forsake me,
Gods
Please make me
Gods please
Take these
Memories away.