December 30, 2019
-/•\-
Woosh
Woosh
Woosh
Push
Push
Push
This blood through this heart
This air under these wings
Whappa
Whappa
Whappa
Whappa
Precious sound
Never found
In my womb that dark day
Try again and again
Again and again
Nothing
To say
Heart sink
A tiny sigh
Floats by
My quivering lip
Blood draining
As if
My heart
Has stopped beating too
Nothing to do
Just sit
Watch
The numbness set in
Never again
Never again
Will his sweet feet kick
Dance in my womb
Say hi momma
No
No
This womb is a tomb
No beat
No beat
Only silence to meet
My yearning ears
Searching across the universe
Across time
My single prayer
Is to find
That elusive beat
Faint
Whappa
Whappa
Stronger now
what a scare what relief
Cuddle now
But no
That prayer was not answered
and I understood
I understand
This is the world we live in
This happens again and again
To mothers every day
To fathers every day
Love
Loss
Life
Yearning
Crumbling
Rocking
Rocking
As if
By my rhythmic motion
I could start that heart
That precious heart
Once again
Go back to the way it was
Again
But no
This is my path now
Always and forever
This is my path now
Do I see the flowers?
Do I feel the grace?
While my feet sink into this mud
My skin succumbs to the scratches
My throat burns
My fingers yearn
To stroke
To hold
My neck yearns
To nuzzle
Snuggle
Sing songs to my babe
Soothe him to sleep
Then creep
Back to my bed
Warm
Full
Whole
But no
Now the only woosh
Whappa
Comes from these wings
Holding me
Folding in
Letting me fall
Spreading out
Catching
The wind
Whappa
Whappa
I am alive
Held
And on the edge
Always on the edge
Of this dark, deep, grief-filled well