My anxiety came to me
And said
You are going to die
We are going to die
You are going to fail
And your family will suffer
Your family will flail
And even though she was
Just in my head
My body succumbed to
The electric dread
Froze
No more food
No more sleep
There must be something to do
Some way to keep
Those I hold the most dear
Safe and sound
Here
If I can only find the way
Solve the equation
Of how to stay
Strong, independent
Solid, and intimate
But the solution
Always evades me
And leaves me
In this sea
Of electricity
Oh anxiety
What shall we do?
What can I do
To help you?
Caged
Abandoned
Screaming the truth
Separated from me
By this sea
Of electric blue
Do
Do
Do something
It calls to me
Do something
So you can be set free
I lean into the blue sea
Feel it wash into
And over me
Feel that beautiful tension
Of calling to move
Yet sitting still
Feeling each wave
Crash into me
Steal my breath for a moment
And continue on
Allowing me to once again breathe
On a whim
On intuition
I take this dagger in my right hand
This dagger given to me
When I asked God to protect me
And I plunge it deep
Into my heart
Drop to the ground
Lungs empty
Heart stops
Deep
Dark
Heavy
Fallen below
The blue sea
The world turns black
As it fades from me
Black turns to gold
A beautiful being
Gold, with blinding white wings
Kneels over me
Peers love into me
Love all around
Gold
Holding me
Pure
Ecstasy
The veins in my neck
Fire like pistons
Blood pumping
Gold flowing
Through my body
When I can form thoughts
When I can once again speak
I ask God
What of this story?
What of anxiety, what of the blue,
What of the urge to do, do, do?
She replies
That is no longer mine
Release
Effort
Give it to Her
Release
The story
And sink
Deep into Her
Deep into here
Deep into now
Deep into love
Deep into acceptance
Of death
Of life
Of grace
Of strife
Of struggle
Of anxiety
Even as it offers
To suffocate me