May His heart feel at once
Every fiber of pain
He has given
To other creatures
Or to the land,
To this Earth that is
Your body, My Queen.
May he take it all
Into his chest.
If his virtue has been
Enough
If he has endured already
What pain the fates have assigned
May he then survive
If he has bypassed his fate
By torturing whoever he might
May he die by his own sins
As they come home to roost
In his small and cowardly heart.
On the Earth with you
Behind a wall of flowers
You touch me
And I forget to worry
Who is watching.
You ask me to bind my life to
Yours
I am mesmerized by
The movement of your mouth
And the shape of your teeth
Beneath you,
I rest
I forget pretense
I notice the way She
Sings you into
My Holy Chambers
And takes your seed.
I feel my own
Hunger for you.
I feel my need
Like sharp
Insistent panting.
I missed you
As I was with you
In an age
Unknown now,
Sunk into the Earth
In what lands where
Only gods were
Those lands where
You touched me
With god’s hands
I am asymptotically approaching death
Or enlightenment
-||~||-
I came into this world
With no stories
Suddenly
Eyes seared by the light
Lungs burning on their first
Inhale
And as my eyes adjusted
To the light
As my stomach adjusted
To the ebb and flow
Of feeling hungry and full
I told myself my first story
That what I see is what is
That what I feel is what is
That those who care for me
Always are
And always will be
I came into this world with no stories
And over time, stories were told to me
Stories of how life should be
Who I am
Who you are
What it means to be free
And I built my house on the sand
Made up of grains of a million stories
There was no other way
Stories were all that was given to me
There is no rock to build upon
All is sand
And it is only in the stripping away
The loss
That the sand is blown away
Along with the house we loved
That the sand is blown away
And we finally see
The rock
I came into the world with no stories
And I pray
That is how I will leave
.):)::))
My son is calling me
From behind the veil
Greeting me
Eagerly
As I shed my trappings
Of this world
And gleefully
Descend
The stairs to the other side
He comes to me
As a babe
As a boy
A teenager
A man
I tell him about our adventure
On the other side
About his older brother
On the other side
I tell him that I love him
Forever
That his father and brother
Love him
Forever
He touches my heart
Opens me to infinite grief
And Love
Opens me to infinite vulnerability
With God
We explore the cosmos
A forever sunset on the beach
Swim in a river of gold
Surrender
To watching clouds in the sky
Dancing like dervishes
Roars ripping from our throats
He is the thunder in the sky
Lightening connecting earth
And the heavens
With a blinding flash
He is hot and cold
Breaking everything
So thoroughly
That new atoms are born
And my other son is calling me
In the physical realm
With a wail
Of post-nap blues
Books and snacks
Outside explorations
Snuggles
Kisses
With a twinkle in his eye
A touch of breakfast on his cheek
And an “I love you, momma”
That crumbles my heart
Melts it anew
My sons stand
On two sides of the veil
And I will forever
Journey between
On this tear-soaked trail
I was bereft
Until you brought me
To Your sacred pool.
Without Your river
I was in despair.
Now I also live
In these lands that you rule.
You wash me in your Holy waters
You bathe me in sunlight
And I am, once more,
Grateful for my life.
Give me faith to soothe my mind
Let me rest in the tangle
While Your wise fingers undo the knot.
I will wait in not knowing
Sheltered in Your love.
I lie on the earth
With a rose
And my eyes both
On the moon
Hearing tunes
That remind me of you.
I sit on the ground
And I bleed
You were
Within these garden walls
But left here no seed.
Because I told you not to
So that I could choose to
Leave
As has always been
And may always be
Because I love to be alone
With the night
Sleepy in my garden
Washed with rose scent
And moon light
Unmoved and silent
Unused and quiet
Though I do miss you.
Sometimes.
I release you, Lover
At my own peril
For I don’t know
If another man
Will wrap his arms around me
Or smile his love into me
And take me for his own.
I rend the tether
That binds me to you
The cord through which
I receive your love
And also your sickness.
Because I cannot take
Your pain into my body
Anymore
I am tired and full up
Of pain from so many men
Who I wished to serve
Who I longed to help
Who I tried to heal
Who plowed their sickness
Into me
And then scorned me
When I became ill.
Her wisdom whispers
Through the High Priestess
“You are a vessel for love:
My love through you to him
His love from god to you
Your small human love
For his hurt human heart
And his small human love
For yours.”
“You needn’t hold his pain
You needn’t keep him safe
You, my child, were not made
To be broken.
You were made to be loved.”
So I let Him go
I rest down and in
I wait for Her to fill me up
I beg for Her to heal this one
Whom I love
But cannot save
No matter how great
Is my will.
She murmurs to me
Songs of love
And runs Her
Holy fingers through
My long hair.
She kisses my head
While I weep
And She promises me
That I am enough.
She will always support me
To do Her work in this realm
My only desire is to serve Her
So I am where Her support is
And I move when She moves
I receive what She gives
I go to where She is giving