Let us Heal

-/\-/\-
There is nothing to fix
Only opportunities to heal
There is no going back
to the way we were before
Time, life march forward
Never back
So what new path can we forge?
You and I
Wounds seeping
Tending to ourselves
Each other
As best we can
Calling forth healing
As best we can

Woman
We will never be done
Hurt will be with us
Forever
And healing will be with us
Forever

But right now
We are whole
Right now
We are as we should be
Right now
We are beautiful and strong
Gifted
And enough

There is nothing to fix
And everything
To heal

Naked

->()<-

I lay naked here
Under this tall pine tree
And allow the sun to caress
The parts of me
She never gets to see

Watch the clouds float by
On a mission
Driven by winds
That do not reach me

Listen to leaves crash through
Branches as they fall to the ground
Birds chirp happily
A fly buzzing nearby
Investigating me

What is this fear
I feel
When I hear the approaching
Foot falls
And what do I do
In response to their call?

Do I cover up quickly
Before anyone can see
Or lay still
Body exposed
Skin bare
Comfortable
In my own
Vulnerability

And how does this choice
Inform my life,
How I regularly
Interact
With all of those around me

Do I let them see
My suffering
My struggles
My loves
What truly ignites me
Or do I cover up
Wear the face of comfortable
Familiarity
Mundane
Stability

And if I do cover up
How will this sweet
Warm
Nectar of sunlight
Ever reach me
In the places
That have
The most
Need

Hades

16 December 2018

Night King
Here am I
Dropped at your feet
Through the surface of earth
Into these dark chambers
And hidden, inner spaces
Where you reside, my Husband.
Here am I, fallen into
The realms you rule

So I must, of course,
Forgive the Sun King
For abandoning me to you.
Or thank him, more like,
For bringing me home
To the sultry, liquid smolder
Of your ever-blessed bones

My Always King
My Ever Husband
Who never leaves
How I am pleased
To descend and kneel
At your throne
To come home
To your changeless love
To your silent gaze
To your gorgeous face
To your wordless grace
To your Darkness.

Feed me those six
Blood drop seeds, my King
And I will return always
I promise

The above cannot keep me from you
Not the Sun King
Nor his radiance
Nor his great deeds
Nor his opulence
Because I love you
Dark Lord
who keeps the wealth
Of Her secret places
Who tends the fire of Her core
Who rules the souls
Of the no bodies
Of the voiceless
Of those who are not.

Blessed be the one
Who dropped me through
The thin layer of Earth
That held me from you
These long months
While i flowered
And welled up
And nurtured His realm

Blessed be the Sun King
Who has left me to you
To our peace
And our womb sleep
To the time and the space
to love your tender beauty
Your cool skin
And your silent face.

Being

Days keep
Happening to me
Do other people move
Through time?
I am rooted here
And time rushes over me
Like the river
Flows over Her boulders.

Time moves
I stay still
Not becoming better
Wearing away
Maybe imperceptibly
By day
But surely.

I’m not arriving
At anywhere I should be
I’m just here
Wet
And flooded by minutes
And seconds
While I remain
The same
Never any closer
To what I’ve been told
I should be.

Home

I trust my manifesting powers. I do believe that I can have anything I want.

I also feel like what ever happens outside of my “willing” is probably more delicious than anything I might imagine. It will be more textured, multi-faceted. It will be fascinating. It will keep me here, intact, intrigued.

It will blossom open. It will flow over rocks singing, silky, wet, cool, clear. It will billow. It will root. It will take flight. It will swim. It will sparkle. It will spark and burn. It will dance. It will come, murmuring blessings and bliss. It will live it’s own mysterious being into my welcoming embrace. It will love me. It will choose me. It will see me.

Thus I rest and wait, and sing Her hymns. Blessed Mother. Sugar Queen. Warress. Godess. Conqruess. Budding Flower. Eternal Ring. Righteous Maiden. Blessed Be.

Proper Engagement of Mula Bandha

Image fucking the most beautiful possible man in the whole world. Who adores you and is absolutely devoted to you and wants to put babies inside of you and wants to stay around to help you turn them into people.

Imagine him hitting it from behind. One hand around your shoulder and one on your hip, guiding you onto him. Imagine your yoni opening wide and lustful, begging for his seed, hungry, thirsty, eager to drink deep. Imagine wanting nothing but him and his presence inside of you. Imagine complete radio silence in your mind and all your awareness rooted at the base of your cervix. Imagine you could draw his entire being into your womb by softening and opening and aligning yourself to encompass him in his wholeness.

When you find this, you will understand why small men have always tried to demonize and legislate women’s sexuality. This and exactly this is your great power: mentally, physically, emotionally. This is the force of Life within you, free to move, to flow, to create, to nourish and to destroy. This is the Wild Queen, Sex-Blissed and Wise.

Healing

-(-(-)(-
What is this armor here
This protection
Above my heart, below my skin

What is this judgement, this shame
For who I am
For all of the ways
I feel less than you
All of the ways
I am falling through

What purpose does this Ego serve
Here
With my God
Safe and secure

I give my Ego leave
To step aside
And find the deep vulnerability
It was trying to hide
An open, festering wound
Of imperfection
Of weakness
Of fear
Of loss

All are exposed here
I am exposed here
Naked much deeper than mere skin
In my Gods presence
No layers
Between us
Nothing to hide
Between us
Infinite love
Between us
Pure acceptance
Between us

My God sees me
For who I am
My God loves me
Just as I am
Nothing to fix
Nothing to regret
Nothing to do
But be with

With tender fingers
Compassion and curiosity
She traces the surface
Of this wound of vulnerability
Giving Her full attention
Taking Her time
Leaving a golden trail
As Her fingers brush by

And healing washes over me
The healing
Of being seen
Of being with
Of acceptance
Of love
The healing
Of intimacy
With my God

Communion

June 4, 2019

—-\/—
Oh God
I come to you
As the black shadow wolf
Chases me through the dark wood
Seeks to shred me to pieces
With fangs dripping with the poison
Of how I am weak
How I could fail
What I could lose
Taunting me to chose
The right way on a path unknown

God
I come to you
Fall at your feet
Exhausted
Afraid
Hurting
And I pray
For your love
To be held
To feel the warmth of your hug
Build my temple golden and strong
Set me inside
Cloak me in your golden presence
On my throne
Guardians at my feet

Nothing can penetrate these walls
We are safe here
Left alone
To rest
Be with

And the black shadow wolf
Paces and howls outside
Calling me out
Frustrated and angry

But I need not answer that call
Not now
I am weak and want to rest
And commune
With my God
I am tired and want to sit by the calm pool
Dip my weary feet
Restore

God will tell me
If, when, I shall call the wolf
But for now
What does it matter
If I am weak
Failing
I am with God
God is with me
And accepts me
As I am

Trust

I know she hurt you
Because you said
She hurt you.
I believe what you said.

You died in two ways
At least
You lost your feet
Your ground
Your wealth.

Your health
Was threatened
Tested.

I also know
You love me
Like you loved me
Before
I reminded you
Of Her.

But you can’t know that
And you wont
Know that
Until I show that
I am able to…

Want you
Without needing
Anything you
Can not
Freely give.

Contracts

I do
She does
The one I Serve
She will consume

What I call love
Is hunger
I will eat you
Whole
And lose nothing
Of my own.

The craft I learn
Is to cast spells
That make you
Believe
Only your pleasure
Gives your
Body to me.

It is your want
That I should feed.
Your life blood
Your last breath
Given freely.

The craft I learn
Is to trade life
For ecstasy
To gain power
By giving pleasure
To rule
By ingesting
To hold my Throne
Behind the altar
So the blood
Washes my feet.

I serve a dying Queen.
I love Her and
I grieve Her
Going under
But I wonder
If I might
Be free now
From my vows
Be a woman
Who has will force
And my own power.