Tornado

()()
Keep talking, my friend
Let my soul bathe in these words
Let me feel this sweet poetry
Call the four winds to me
Here
Now
Let me feel them rush in
Let them take my breath away
As they meet
And dance
And swirl
Deep in my chest
Let this tornado build and grow
Pulling up the emotion that is here
Percolating
Kept in the ground
Tamed
For appearances
For consideration
Of others
Of self

No, no longer able to hide
These emotions must rise
In answer to the siren call
Spinning
Dancing
Riding the wind
Turning into shrapnel
That pierces my heart
Makes rubble of my bones
Cleanses my soul
That must be let free
Eventually

But first let me pause
And revel in this ecstasy
Of this storm
Whipped up in my chest
Of the purity of emotion
Of the fractured crystallinity of life
And death
Of nothing is ours
To hold
But these moments
This moment
Of feeling
Of being alive
Of sitting in communion
With my tribe
Of feeling the power
In this tornado
Of these emotions
Of noticing
Of letting your words
Wash over me
Wash into me

And then, dear friend,
When your words have found their end
When the storm has exhausted itself
Let me feel the peace
The beauty
Of letting it go
Of dancing
With the sun on the horizon
Of picking up the pieces of this heart
These bones
And building them up again
Stronger than before

Bend

I go outside
To commune with my gods
Not to overcome
Or conquer
Or to kill
Or rip
Or crush
Or shred.

I go outside to hear
The whisper of truth
From the breeze
Or the roar of hymns
From the river
I go outside to
Be woke
By the blossoms
And to place my humble body
On the Sacred Earth

Not to discover
Or penetrate
Or elevate
Or illuminate
Or navigate
Or to describe

But just to be
With my Mother
My Lover
My Teacher
My Queen
To watch Her hair
Dance in the breeze
To see the light
Touch her skin
To smell her Body
To settle in.

17 February 2019

Hair tips touch bare breasts
Silk ribbons on soft skin
Shoulders caressed

This deedless deed
Willing to receive
Sensation
Will save me from
A thousand violent deaths
And from starvation.

Just feeling MY hair on MY skin.
Is enough to keep me safe here.
It pleases Her to keep me
In this body
So I am willing to stay
To feel my heart breathing
And my voice singing
My hair swinging
When I run
With snow falling
And water drinking
Sky light
To my right
To my left
The earth pushing softly against
My feet.
She will keep me here
Just to feel these things
And I will stay wherever
She keeps.

9 May 2019

I have been
An ugly woman
For so long
I wear this beauty now
Like a silk dress
With each step
I sway my hips
So they touch the Beauty
Swim in the Beauty.
I am draped in Beauty
And purring.

She warms my belly
Like the sun
And my heart blood
Flows,
Svelte fluid through
My long,
Caramel-brown
Limbs.

I see this Beauty
Reflected to me
In the eyes of Men
And while I know
(From being told)
That there is more to life
Than Beautiful Beloved
I don’t know where
Or what it is
Or how to find it.

Even if i could
It would not taste
As good
As this:
High heels, short dress
Long hair, sun kissed
Green eyes, soft skin
Light pink, full lips
Small waist
Round hips
Each step
knowing
That some One
Is watching
Me
And craving touch.
Awake, alive
Desire
Which lights the fire
We call Love.

Anxiety

-@$:$@-

Lately
This anxiety
Has been bringing me to my knees
Again and again
Called from my bed
With this feeling of dread
Skin prickling
Body hot

And so I go
Outside
To kneel beside
This old oak tree

Stars twinkling down
Moon waning, hidden
As she regroups
And replenishes

Is it the absence of the moon in the sky
That calls me out
In resonance
With the chaotic energy of the stars
Without their mother?

Or the upwelling
Of another deep surrender
Something I am holding that wants to be
Let go
Let fly
Left to find its own path
To God
Carved into this star-laden sky?

I don’t know
I only know to go
When called
To let go
When called
Feel the illusion of control
Trickle out of my fingers
Breath this poison up
And out
Feel the empty hole
Of nothing to do
But sit
Be with
Ride this through

Surrender

It is all I can do

Storm

March 21, 2019

Do you hear that crack off in the distance?
The crackle and hum as hot and cold collide.
Do you feel the thundering of a thousand hooves on the horizon?
Feel the electricity course through your veins, prickle your skin, raise your hair toward the sky?
That is the storm coming to you

Do you feel your shoulders rise in anger
Sweep back in joy
Fall in sadness
And crush forward in anxiety
In step with your heart beat
As if you had wings
And in this motion could spread your wings and fly
Above this cavernous pit
Into the sky?
That is the storm calling to you.

Come, sister, ride this storm with me
Wind whipping at our skin, clawing at our hair
Tears and rain streaming down our cheeks
Heart catching in our throats
Excitement and fear churning into ecstasy
Let us dance
Ride this storm together
Dive into the unknown
Explore how vivid this life can be

And in this storm, we pray:
May we experience this life with the presence of a poet,
See with the eyes of a painter,
Hear with the ears of a composer,
Feel with the body of a dancer

May this storm shatter our ego
And free our souls

Eating Disorder

18 April 2019

Here the morning is
And I am also
Having awakened from my sins
Swollen
Heavy
Pregnant with sorrow
And remorse.

Terror
Ignites
And fuses my my mind
To a plan
Of redemption
By atonement.
I won’t eat.
I will run
I can control
This monster
That hungers
For weight
Gravity
And a dark cave.

Who pulls me down
Each time I rise.
Who fills me
With stones
And casts me
In
To the murky,
Inky,
Skanky darkness
Of the Sea

You can’t get free
She sings
You won’t escape me.
Make friends with your
Thick waist
And your
Round face
And your
Empty bed.

I won’t let
You forget
What you came here
To learn.
Rage if you will
Against this
You have no control
To end this

I’m drawing you deep
For secrets
That will
Home in you
And be born
Through you.
You, Channel
Of Righteous Darkness,

Why should you
Envy the light?
You might
Become the vast
Space that holds
All
Including the beauty
You crave
And the power
To destroy and
To Remake.

The power
Greater still
To surrender
To the Unmaking
To serve the Mystery
From True Love
And Perfect Faith.

Oh ugly woman,
Fall in!
The angels sing you up.
The light bearers
Bid you climb.
The water walkers
Scorn your sinking.

But you know, Queen,
That you mind
The dead
And the dying
And so hold the keys
To Life.

Why are you single?

I tire of falling
In and out
Of love
I want to stay on
One
Side or the other
Long enough
To breath once
Fully
In and out.

Do men despise
Me
Because I am beautiful
And cruel?
Because the whip
Is sharp
Barbed
And always a
Surprise

Like Life
Who is beautiful
And murderous
Who draws me close
By sweetness
To plunge deep
The knife.